yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
