Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
