Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
