Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dear god my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
