Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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