Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
