just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
