you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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