did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
