If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
