I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
