i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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