some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
