I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
