there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
