Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize