That's intense
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
