So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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