the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
