I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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