she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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