How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
