I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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