I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
