dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
