OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
