Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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