i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
