Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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