and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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