last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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