also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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