I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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