He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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