"it" just moved
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
