it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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