i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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