I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
