Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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