i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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