I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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