Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
