umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
