K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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