I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize