Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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