She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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