look no pants
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
