Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
