In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
