Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
