Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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