I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
