I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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