My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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