is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
