Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
