You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
