plz talk dirty to me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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