Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
