just come out here and I will go home with you...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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