I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
