Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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